jjfjf

hmmmmm
well
i dont really care about anything
just feeling the rage.
ragggeee.
not as in the australian early morning / late night music video show, as in the emotion.
so much rage. um. so i would like to go out and possibly drink a lot and maybe do some drugs and then die.
but no.
i have no friends. my friends are all oh-so-responsible.
drink in moderation, if at all.
have no fun.
fuuuu.
what is this even?

oh, i deleted that tumblr i linked to in my last post, i deleted my facebook and irl tumblr as well. its very liberating.

um.
i want to go on a murder suicide rampage.
actually no i don't just a suicide rampage.
or get drunk make new friends and have a hot man.
but what are you gonna do?

so i lost a follower after my last post.
i'll probably lose a few more now.
yeahh i'm just not up with the whole blogging dealio.
not eating is no longer an effective coping mechanism for me.
bah
i still love you lola-rose.

i might go sleep now. to sleep, perchance to dream. yeah quoting hamlet right there. and you know what that quote was about? suicide. yeah. appropriate.
waeva.
bye my lover/s

i rlly dont like e rite nao btw. wat a dick-face.
luffff yousss. <#<#33<#3,

MY CREATIVE JUICES ARE LIMITED.

by the fact i can't make 70 posts in a night without looking like a dick. as such i am going to tumblr.
i'll probably still go here y'know whatever.
but do you do tumblr? its pretty gay over there with all there triangles and shit.
not gay in a homophobic way AIM SORRY but there are allotta people thjat lover the same sexx on that site.

anyway you can maybe find me here if i remember to keep doing it


REMEMBER WHEN I WAS SO VERY HOPELESS
DARLING HE'S GONNA MAKE IT ALL BETTER.

http://glovesandshit.tumblr.com/

there.
reallll whimsical url hey. gotta be whimsical if you wanna survive on tumblr.
not really though.
anyway.
yeah.
i might sleep now.
i love you so hard .

What is this I can't even.

hey hey yo all ma bitchez yeah.
so
what
i'm in the middle of exams
very important exams
the second most important exams i will ever do in my school life
BUT WHATEVER
maths is tomorrow
I HATE MATHS
i am really tired E stayed over last night and we watched 'la vie en rose' that went til 2am and was complicated and beautiful and in french.
and the night before that i watched 'trivial matters' which was complicated and in cantonese and very amusing.
but i should be studying.
but i don't care.
i'm too tired.

i don't know. i feel obliged to mention food.
what can i say? i'm very fat. well. i should be very fat. but i haven't gained anoymore than a kg since i was last here.
i eat so much. i kind of want to fall over and die sometimes. most of the time. whatever.

uhm. i really can't wait to finish school...
and leave australia.
or at least this place in which i live. i'll go to melbourne and have a beautiful boyfriend and we will have endless hot sex and drink wine on the rooftop of our apartment at night. and go out to see bands and have a multitude of social acquaintances but no internet or tv and i will work as a.. primary school teacher. i mean i don't want to be unrealistic or anything. so i'll just be a primary school teacher. but he'll be an events manager. and meet everyone. take us back stage. and all the kids i teach will love me and i'll dye my hair wild colours and i'll be that crazy teacher everyone wants to get as a sub.

that's what i want right now.
or i want to go into the bush. camping. with about 10 people i don't know very well. or even the 4 people i do know. and we will all get so drunk we wont remember our own names let alone our problems. and there will be a camp fire and tents and i will go and camp with an attractive mysterious stranger, who's very tall and smells like smoke and has a bit of stubble and wears a leather jacket. but he wont wear it for long.

well. this post managed to say nothing in a lot of words but i just want to talk with someone on the phone about everything. but someone who doesn't see me every day. someone who i see very occasionally. and when i do see him/her we will talk to each other only the whole time no matter who else is there. but if it's a man there wont be any sexual tension. none.

I'm back. Photos!

So I'm back from Melbourne. I had a fast day up there and an awful lot of eating in between. But yeah E didn't even say anything when I didn't eat anything all day. Woohooo.
However one of the days in which he didn't eat much I was all "don't you want some lunch or something" and he was like "no, coz I'm ancora and I starve myself lol". Me - "hahah"... awkward. Anyway I did eat a lot of food and now I'm home with just my brother and our parents are away so we keep cooking really intense vegetarian meals. Like last night we made leek agnollotti with capsicum sauce. We made our own agnolotti! Impressive. Makes me fat though, so hmmm.. I don't know I think I will fast throughout days and then just only eat dinner, because cooking is really fun to be honest. Exccept now I'm really poor. Oh and me and E didn't.. ahem. Yeah was nothing there at all so that'll probably never happen but it is probably better as it would make for an awkward friendship.

I bought some really great shoes though. And melbourne is generally great. I will put up some photos when I get them developed because I'm so old school and use analouge cameras.

Oh I could throw up because then I still get to cook and eat.. but don't really want to go down that path. Oh well.

So now I'm going to do lots of Italian homework! Yay subjenctive past tense. I will also have to catch up on blogs.

Ah but here are some from my digital camera. Yay. I'll take them down soon. When I remember.

bam gone

E has a rlly thin thigh and it makes me jealous i can not put my hands around mine gosh.


That was a bit long. <3

Bye guys.

Ok I'm off to Melbourne tomorrow, E's coming over in about 10 minutes though so I shan't be on til Monday.
So have fun and be slim.

How am I going? Meh. Healthy at least, I had a sundae at work yesterday:( it was free, see? Inexcusible.

Also I was 68kg at the end of my fast, back to 69 now.
Anywho.

Oh here comes the car. Must go. Also, me and E have baking plans.. uh oh.

Love.

Ohhhh food is so gross.

All up in my tummy. Yuk.

So yesterday I had some soy crisps and dates and then some malteasers and a 'chicken deluxe' burger, without the chicken. After work at 10pm. And I went to E's grandmas and ohh how I wanted to throw up I was so close but I would've been heard but I felt so gross and sick. Moral of the story - don't eat.

So today I've had 2 pieces of toast. Why oh why did I do that? I don't even know. I just feel yuk again. So I'd like that to be all. I work from 1-5 so I can pretend I ate lunch there and something at 5 which means I don't need dinner. Beh.

Then E is coming over tomorrow night and we're going to Melbourne on Friday. Yayayay.

Love.

My cat smells like farts.

Oh also it says I have 2 comments but when I try to look at them I can't see them so I don't know what's going on there. I might change to I have to moderate the comments just so I can see them all. Anyway.

BAH

So hungry oh my stomach, it's officially been a 48 hour fast now so I'm thinking I might break it now rather than wake up in the middle of the night from hunger and binge.

Ok... I'm going to go eat a slice of toast some veges and no fat yogurt now.


Hmm just came back from changing the cats kitty litter and have second thoughts, all that is too much. I'm just going to have tea and toast, then a multi vitamin. Cool. And maybe just some peas/carrots.

Also tomorrow I'm out with friends from 9am - 10pm so dunno what to do about eating.. we shall see.


EDIT: (possibly triggering scroll over to read) That piece of toast is the most amazingly delicious thing I have ever eaten in my life. Ever. Wow.